Dear Neighbours

I am seriously sick of your parties,  I know you are a bunch a teenagers, living in your Dad’s house and whooping it up because schools out, but this has to stop.  I can’t cope with this every weekend….

1. The DOOSH DOOSH of the base so loud that my windows vibrated in the frames at 0100 hrs on a this morning.  Now once upon a time, that wouldn’t have bothered me.  Bearing in mind of course that when I was young enough to party like it was 1999, the only speakers capable of creating such vibrations were owned by major rock bands and only appeared at concerts for which I paid good money for permanent hearing loss.  Now it doesn’t merely disturb my sleep, it makes me feel disorientated and physically ill.  I have a headache turn the Goddamn stereo down!

2. Call me grumpy, but having 30 youths out on the street,20 odd of which are camped in my driveway and leaning on my car drinking, just makes me cross. I’m sorry but there ya have it!   It also makes me want to let the Palace Guard aka the dogs out to move you along.  I pay tax and I don’t want to have to clear my road front of bottles and broken glass before I move my car next.  I don’t want my children to cut their feet and bleed all over my carpet because some lazy ass teenager couldn’t be bothered staying inside the party he was at and leaves his/her bottles in my drive.  I don’t want my car scratched by the domes and zips on your jeans, the buckles on your jackets or the crap in your pockets. I paid good money for that car and what’s more I only washed it yesterday Buster so if you need to use the restroom, go inside don’t piss on my wheels, my letterbox or my kerb you disgusting little toerag.  In my day, when we went to a party, we stayed inside the yard, we didn’t sit out on the road blocking it, dropping bottles and pissing all over the place.

3. Don’t park over my drive you dropkicks!  The Prince is a fire officer on call, that’s why there is a marked fire vehicle parked in my driveway, see it there? See the decals, the lightbar and antennae?   I asked nicely, I didn’t have to because you are breaking the law parking there in the first place, not that you’d know having obtained your licence from a weetbix box, move it or I tow it!  If the Prince can’t get out when the bells go down, I hope to God it’s your house burning!  Actually, I’m considering putting the lights and siren on in the hopes you’ll think it’s Police coming and all scarpa!

4. Thanks for that sustained burnout in front of my place, I love the burning smell of rubber drifting into my open windows on a hot summer night.  The only thing that makes me happy is that I am inside, not out on the road with you morons driving around and hopefully this means you are leaving.

5. I love the Police helicopter, I do, I love the Police in general, they do a great job.  I just don’t like the Police helicopter hovering over my neighbourhood at 2am because you lot are partying.

6. Thanks for waking the kids up, I really didn’t spend enough time with them yesterday so having them up at 2am because of the yelling and music and Police helicopter, was a treat, a real treat!

In conclusion,  I really hope you enjoyed the sound of the weedwhacker, chainsaw and lawnmower that commenced at 6am this morning.  We really had to get the gardening done, we know you understood.


One Response to “Dear Neighbours”

  1. Love your blog! Found it just by following a series of links through different friend’s blogs. 🙂

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